My Girls are Home

It's Sunday morning. I have little voice and a fever so Emma is home taking care of me. :) Chad and Chloe have gone to church for worship. I hate to be sick and I HATE to miss Sunday morning worship. There is such an anointing on our pastor and worship service that I don't want to miss it. But, here I sit. The Lord and I had a sweet time together earlier this morning and I just have to wonder if He allowed this sickness just for that reason. So I'm thankful. Thankful for the time that He spoke to my heart and showed me some cool things about Himself.

We (Chad, our toy poodle Paddington and I) are so glad to have Chloe and Emma home. Don't get me wrong, we really enjoyed our week of rest and quiet, but this mommy is glad to have everyone back in their own bed!

My parents stayed a couple of nights and at dad's request, we shopped. My dad loves to shop. Car shop, fabric shop, the man likes to see what's out there! So, Friday we hit the mall to check out all things Spring.

Mom and I had one request. Williams~Sonoma. It really didn't take much to convince the girls. They love this store more than we do, and Emma had decided she needed purple sprinkles from there. NOT the regular grocery store because "they aren't a very good quality". Where she gets this stuff I do not know. She paid $4 for purple sprinkles, oh excuse me, they are officially called lavender sanding sugar. I stand corrected, by a six, almost seven year old.

As we left the mall, in the rain praise the Lord, my dad ran ahead to unlock the car. I saw him stop a few steps before the car and slowly turn around to look at us. Someone had hit his car. The damage wasn't too bad, and probably won't cost a terrible amount to fix, but it was still frustrating. I figured that this would put a damper on the whole visit, but it didn't. Dad was aggravated, but his calm demeanor was such a picture of Christ. He didn't get huffy, or yell, or slam doors. He just said, we'll deal with it. Proof that when you spend time with the Lord, His character rubs off on you. He changes your actions AND your reactions.

I think that is part of the reason I do not like to miss weekly fellowship and worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. God gives us the command to gather for a reason! There was a season in our life where Chad and I were not actively involved in one church. For about 2 years, I seemed to be the "fill in" girl around Chattanooga. I served for various reasons like maternity leave, surgery, just plain old burn out.. you name it. I loved doing that, but it became very easy on the weeks when I wasn't playing to just sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning. We were saved and nothing could change that, but we were not living a fruitful Christian life. We were simply hanging on to what God had done in the past. Riding the wave of the past.

During this two year time period Chad and I suffered serious health crisis. He was very sick. There were several nights that I questioned God's hand in this, but two nights I vividly remember staying awake to watch him breath. I honestly thought this man that I loved more than anything (yes, at that time more than God and GOD quickly showed me that I had made Chad an idol) wasn't going to make it through the night.

We also went through the pain of losing babies to miscarriage. That was a hard pill to swallow. It seemed everyone around me was pregnant, and here I was. I couldn't stay pregnant if my life depended on it.

This went on for two years. For two years, I simply read a quick little devotion in the morning before I left for work. Nothing too challenging I was trying to avoid feeling convicted. For two years, I prayed quickly for my family, for Chad's health, for whatever "crisis" was in our life at the time. You see I was doing going through the motions, but nothing else. And then it happened.

I woke up one morning and realized I had not heard God speak to me in a long time. There was something missing. I was miserable and that morning, God showed me why.
There was no growth. I knew nothing more about God that morning than I had known two years ago. I couldn't tell you what God was teaching me because I had turned my head and not looked at Him for two years. It was October of 1997.

I remember that Chad was out of town and I was alone and it was early. I had about two hours before I needed to leave for work. I showered, dressed and grabbed my Bible, just like every other morning. BUT this morning, this morning would be different. I sat with my Dr. Pepper in an over sized chair and prayed. I confessed that I had been wrong, that I had allowed other things to capture my affection and that I needed to turn around and just start over. I was tired of riding the wave of the past and wanted a fresh start.

I opened the Word and this is what I read. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it". (I kind of smiled, kind of said so, am I old??? At this point I was about 23) Here's what God said to me.

My parents trained us to first be actively in love with the Lord. A relationship with God is more than a trip down the aisle and a quick prayer asking Him to forgive and save you. It's an on-going relationship just like a marriage. You just don't quit because it's uncomfortable at times. Second, they taught us that when you are in love with the Lord, you can't help but do the things He tells you to do. One of those things is to grow!! He didn't save you for you to stay in the same place spiritually!!! There is so much more!

That morning, I KNEW that the conviction I was feeling, was from the Holy Spirit. It was my precious Savior wooing me back to Him. I left for work a new woman with a load lifted. It was awesome.

God also gave me this verse during this time as a promise that He did have good plans for me. Hosea 2:14-15 " Therefore, I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt."

In other words. God told me that after a time of correction and growth, He would restore me to a fruitful Christian. He would take that time of rebellion, hurt, and confusion and allow me to look back on it and see that there was HOPE in the midst of it. And then that last part....He told me that one day, He would allow me to sing/play again, but this time, I would do it appreciating and realizing just what it took to make me free.

Are you free? Do you still hang on to your parents Christianity? Can you sing that song "I love you more today than yesterday" and think of God? Oh sweet friend, I wish I could cup your face in my hands and look you eyeball to eyeball and say, don't settle for casual, second hand religion anymore! Your Savior has so much better for you!