Monday, July 14, 2008

KEEP those hands off of this!!!!

Last week I shared that God was commanding me to take my hands off of a thing going on in our life. As the weekend approached I found that even though I had handed this over to God, I was struggling to NOT take it back. Does that make sense to you?

For several hours Friday morning, I was struggling big time. I felt like I was saying over and over "God I know you can handle this because you've done________ in my past and you can handle this too."

Yesterday in my quiet time I was reading in Matthew 9. Specifically verses 27-34. In verse 28 Jesus asks the two blind men who were seeking healing, if they believed He was able to heal them.

I felt like Jesus was asking me "Stephanie, do you believe that I am able to do this?"

Everything in me says yes, yes, yes!! I really believe that He can handle this, but at the same time I'm scared to death because I can't tell you how He's going to do it. "Take and Keep your hands off" kept running through my mind.

Then it hit me. My control issue is rooted in my unbelief that God can and will handle this situation. That breaks my heart.

So I have spent the better part of the weekend asking forgiveness and working on keeping my hands off of this thing. Here's what I feel like God is having me do.

When the problem/issue pops into my thoughts I do two things.

1. I praise God that He saw fit to allow us to walk through this and ask Him to show me exactly what it is we are to learn. Then I usually sing the chorus to "Praise you in the Storm" or I pop in my cd and listen to "speak to me".

2. This is hard to do but when I'm at home and this happens, I am to go into my bathroom or closet, close the door and become flat before the Lord and just listen. Not pray, not speak just listen.

That is so hard for me, I have 100 different things running through my mind at any given time so to settle my mind and NOT speak is a God thing in and of itself! As hard and strange as it sounds, after a few minutes I feel the anxiety and fear leave. I feel stronger and for lack of a better word...full.

The waves of fear and anxiety seem to be coming less! Thank you Jesus! I'm still struggling with the control thing and maybe I will until glory! Maybe this is my thorn. :) God is using it to keep me in that closet on my face listening for His voice. If that is what it takes then thank you Jesus.

God has showed me another way my lack of belief is affecting my life and potentially my children's life, but I'm going to let that be it's own post later in the week. I'm not sure I'm ready to share that quite yet!!!


BethAnne said...

For me, if I dont keep my worries in check - they take over my whole life and my every thought. It's satan. It always helps me to think of my overcoming those thoughts/worries as defeating satan. I am struggling with some worry issues right now as well.....Praying for you and I to stay the course in our plan to defeat the enemy.

Still Learning said...

Girl, I will be praying for you. You can beat this, I know you can. You and God together. Please don't be like me. You musn't doubt whether He will, you are doing the right so don't give up. My doubts & control issues have broken me. Don't go there.

Leah said...

I think we all struggle with this. When we think we know better than God about anything we are walking in pride and I soooo do not want to have pride eating me up.


Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Wow girl! That was good stuff. I am lifting prayer for you. I can totally relate.
Much love,

Amy Wyatt said...

Oh girl, I'm going to try your two things. Control is such a big issue for me. I believe He can... but do I believe He will?

Julie said...

I can completely relate to this blog and you have made some excellent suggestions I need to try. Thank you for sharing!!

I just read about your husband's birthday accomplishments!!! Way to Go!!!! I would be excited for my man too!!

Heather said...

Steph- I so love this! I am struggling to "keep my hands off" as well and I love that you go in private and lay on your face before God. He is so honored by that!!! I have been memorizing scriptures that apply and saying them out loud when I start to put my hands back on. It is a definite work in progress for me, the control freak!!!

Way More Homemade said...

Good words... very good words.

I was flipping through some blogs on the CWO blogroll and came across yours. Then I noticed... oh, it's Ocean Mommy. I've seen you comment other places also. Good to find you and I look forward to getting to know you a little more through your blog before the fiesta. :)