Monday, July 27, 2009

High Heels, Chocolate and Fear

Three things I have in common with my 92 year old Mamaw.

High Heels, Chocolate and Fear.

One of my oldest memories of this particular grandparent is her love, and somewhat obsessive desire for shoes. Particularly high heels.

Understand, she was a housewife. Mamaw only wore those beloved high heels on Sunday to church. and the funeral home. Those shoes were her prized possessions and she paid a pretty penny for each and every pair. At one point I remember counting 50 shoe boxes in her closet. Who knows how many she had under her bed and in my grandfather's closet. If we asked my grandfather I'm sure he would tell us there were well over 100 boxes scattered in closets throughout their home.

I speak about her having them in past tense because after a broken right hip almost two years ago, her days in the heels were over. She still has a love for them and if truth be told, I bet she has a few pairs stashed in her closet.

She also LOVES chocolate. This woman can put away a Whitman's Sampler box faster than anyone I know, myself included. She doesn't share her chocolate so don't ask. :) Oh I kid...she'll give you one maybe two pieces if you're lucky. I'll share my chocolate with you, just don't ask me for more than a few of these..

I share more than a love for high heels and chocolate with my Mamaw. We both fight fear.

While she has never come out and said "I live in fear", her life screams it.

The dark, the unknown, being sick, being alone and yes, even God. It's as if she has lived in the state of "What If's" in the country of FEAR her entire life. Apparently, the governing authority in this country does not like for you to travel. He is sly and evil and will do whatever it takes to keep you under his authority.

Even after accepting Jesus as her Lord and Savior AT 90, she still allows the enemy to keep her bound by fear.

She has never allowed Jesus to cover her in peace.

She has never experienced the freedom that comes from REALLY living.

Each time I see her, I see fear on her a little more and it makes me uncomfortable.

More than uncomfortable it grieves my heart. The Holy Spirit lives in her she does not have to live this way.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Power. My God gives me power. I love this verse:

Deut.33:29 Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD, the shield of your help, and the sword of your triumph! Your enemies shall come fawning to you, and you shall tread upon their backs."

If I was personalizing it for my Mamaw it would go like this: Happy you can be Hazel. You have been saved by the Lord! He is the shield of your help and the sword of your triumph! Your enemy, the one who has fought hard to keep you in this state of fear and what if's, is going to fall at your feet and you are going to walk all over his nasty back.

And I would read this over her and pray that the words would sink into her heart:

Psalm 3:1-6a.
"O LORD, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. Selah But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid"

Tonight as I type this I'm praying for my high heel, chocolate loving Mamaw a little more than normal. She fell and broke her left hip and will have surgery early in the morning.

The next few days are going to be hard. She will once again fight fear. I'm praying that this time, her heart will be soft to her Prince of Peace, her Deliverer, her Shield and the Lifter of her head.


Leah said...


I think so many of us can identify with your precious Mamaw. Fear is one of Satan's most effective tools. This was a beautiful post that expresses so much about your family and your faith. God bless her as she has surgery.


Denise said...

Enjoyed reading your blog!