Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day?

This has been such a different Mother's Day for us. We intended to make a surprise visit to my Mom and Chad's mom up in Chattanooga, but the stomach bug is still visiting our family. We spent most of the night with Emma in the bathroom. Thank goodness she seems to be recovering much faster than Chloe and I did. I guess there is a difference in being sick while traveling and being sick in the comfort of your own home. I'm glad for her that she got the comfort of our home!!

This day has brought a wave of emotions like none other. When we got home yesterday, Chad a huge bouquet of white and red roses on our breakfast room table. I read the Mother's Day/Anniversary card from him it was, as usual, very touching.
At lunch time, the girls started looking at those roses. They asked Chad how many there were and I said 13 for the 13 years we've been married. Chad said, "count again". Well, I hadn't counted, just assumed. So I began counting and there were 13 red roses, one for each year we've been married. Then Emma asked why there were 4 white roses.

I knew immediately, and Chad knew that I knew. It was to be between us, but Chloe quickly piped up. She had figured out there was a rose for each of our children. He had included the two we haven't met but love and think of daily. The two we will hold in heaven. The two who would turn 11 and 10 this year. The two that made us realize how much we wanted to be parents. The two that made me realize how deep I could love someone I had never seen or touched. God used the loss of these babies to begin a fresh love affair with Him.

You see I felt the loss of children I never held or touched, but I loved those babies with my whole being. This was that deep mothering love. It was different than anything I had ever experienced, it was deep and it was fierce. How hard it was for us to walk through those times. It made me think of my God and how hard it must have been for Him, my Abba Daddy, to watch his Precious, Sinless, Beautiful Baby Boy die a cruel horrible death..... for me... for you. How deep His love is for us. How fierce His love for us! I pray God is so much more than a crisis God to you, I hope that you are in head over heals in love with Him and His son Jesus.


Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Girl! What a trip you have been on! I am so glad you are home safe and sound! I am so touched by your stories. You are such a true blessing to me! Praying for healing and wellness in your home. Love you girl! See you soon!