Sunday, August 23, 2009

Thoughts from "OnGoing Call" Weekend ( #1)

It’s Sunday evening and I have just crashed. My body has just stopped, but if I don’t get some of my thoughts down RIGHT NOW I’m going to explode.

The retreat was incredible. Sweet, beautiful and most importantly EAGER ladies joined us in worship and Bible study. It was very clear that the majority of those ladies came expecting to meet with God. THAT is huge.

Jill brought such a powerful message to us Friday and Saturday. There was SO much that hit me between the eyes. Rather than just list those statements or concepts, I’m going to share my top two or three with you over the next week or so.

The concept at the top of my list is nothing new. In fact, if you did the study “Me, Myself and Lies” this summer you will identify with this too. That’s why it’s coming first…I’ve been working on this for two months!!!

This was some of what I wrote down during session 4:

What do I believe about myself?

I will act based on what I believe about myself.

Do I believe what God says about me? Press in to Him and ask Him to reveal what HE believes and says about me.

Hard to chew on isn’t it.

Several years ago I was very hurt by a person. She is several years older than me but her actions were very ummmmmm..... let's just say middle school. She is paranoid about everything. If someone looks at her wrong then she thinks they are out to get her. It's really very sad. I have attempted multiple times over the years to encourage her but she really isn't interested in a healthy relationship with me. For this people pleaser who wants everyone to get along, it has been a very difficult thing.

It hit me this weekend that at some point in her life she has been deeply hurt. She is hurting. She has never dealt with the hurt and has become bitter. The kind of things she says in these verbal assaults make it very clear what she believes about herself.

Unlovable. Worthless. Failure. The enemy is playing with her mind and he is playing hard.

Her actions and words are shocking. The longer I know her, the more bitter and hard she becomes. Here is the sad part.

She is a Christian.

She is an older Christian woman who has been in the church a VERY long time, and yet makes the choice every morning to continue to live in this bondage.

She has chosen to believe the enemy over the One who died to save her. What He believes about her is totally different than what she believes about herself.

She believes she is unlovable. God says she is deeply loved and treasured. He is quite taken with her.

She believes she is worthless. God says He has plans for her beyond her wildest dreams. Plans He thought out for her before He created the Earth! She is worth A LOT!!!

She believes she is a failure. God can take what we feel are failures and restore us and USE US to accomplish the good works He created us to do. Doing what God tells you to do is success!!

I know that for this precious person to live without being paranoid and miserable, she is going to have spend some serious time with Him. There are lots of layers to her heartache, but at the root of it all is this:

She does not believe what God says about her.

To sum up all of this…..

One of the ways to walk in freedom is to know what God says about you.

You can’t know what He says if you aren’t in His love letter to you every day.

You know, we all have issues we need to deal with. We are all in process and until we see Jesus face to face we will be working on something! Why do we make it harder than it has to be!

This summer has been quite a journey. There have been lots of things I have had to lay down. I have worked through quite a bit of junk and still have a pile to go through! BUT, God has taught me that making the choice to believe HIM and what He says about me versus what others say, is the single most freeing thing I can do. As hard as it is to face some of the hurt it is SO worth it.


jenmom said...

Praising God for an awesome weekend and your privilege of being able to minister is such an exciting way. Freedom's Call is such a beautiful group of ladies! May the Lord use you ladies in mighty ways!!!

twinkle said...

Good thoughts to chew on. I can see some of those same bonds on my husband right now. I just pray for him to have the mind of Christ. Anything that comes from me, he won't hear.
Praying that your former friend would have the mind of Christ. Stephanie, pray a blessing over her whenever God brings her to your mind. She needs God to heal her.
Thank you for all you do serving Him. You are a sweet fragrance of Christ. Blessings on you from the Lord who "sees."

Leah Adams said...


Thank you so much for sharing with us your weekend. I am excited to hear more.

I read Jennifer Rothschild's book that spurred the writing of Me,Myself and Lies and I can't wait to do the Bible study.

Sounds like the Lord showed up in a huge way this weekend. I know that women's hearts were touched and changed for the glory of Christ. Can't wait to hear more. it was a privilege to pray for you and FC.

Fran said...

Love you Steph and praising Him that the weekend was so gooooood.

Hope you can get some rest. I'll be anxious to hear what else you have to say.


Heather C said...

Yes... I know someone just like the woman you described here. Paranoid... convinced everyone is talking about her and out to get her... and despite numerous attempts to love on her and draw her into relationship, she remains distant and often hostile. Praying for both of our ladies... that the Lord will minister to them in a way that only He can, and that as you and I step forward in taking to heart what He believes about US... that the hurt will be softened. Good word, sister. Thank you!