God says forgive.....again.......

The following was part of an e-mail devotion I received on the 18th.

Betrayals
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
12-18-2007

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend. - Psalm 55:12-13

"You will always be attacked in the place of your inheritance," said the man sitting across the breakfast table. "God has called you to bring people together and to impact other people's lives as a result of this anointing in your life. You must make sure that you seek to maintain righteousness in all of your relationships." Those words came from someone who had the wisdom and authority to speak them to me.

I have had a number of close relationships that ended in betrayal. I am very loyal to my friends and those with whom I have covenant relationships. Yet there are times that no matter how righteous you are, when someone means to betray you, he will do it. Loving those who betray you is "graduate-level Christianity." The religious community and one of His closest friends betrayed Jesus. Those who were closest to David betrayed him. Joseph's own family betrayed him. Loving our enemies cannot be accomplished by mustering it up. It can only happen when we have come to a death in ourselves so that Christ can love through us. It is truly one of those acts of identifying with the cross.

As I read this on the morning of the 18th, somewhere deep inside I heard God say, "save this one". So I did. Wasn't sure who it would be for, but just knew that I was to keep this one for a little while.

Tonight I discovered that this simple devotion would be for my family. I opened an e-mail only to discover that Chad and I had been lied to by someone we care deeply for. It hurts, and to be honest, I'm furious.

The flesh wants to pick up my cell phone, make a call and handle this. 10 years ago that's what I would have immediately done, but it would have only caused more drama. Tonight I sit in my parent's guest room in shock, hurt and a little angry. Chad is in Atlanta and has no idea what has happened. It's late and I want to pick up the phone, but I know that he is already in bed asleep. There's no need to tell him tonight. For him, this betrayal isn't new, it's been going on for years. Now there are grandchildren involved, my children and my feathers have been rustled. I don't want them to find out, I don't want them to know what choice was made. I can only imagine the hurt that they will feel.

So tonight, I find myself flat. I have cried until there are no more tears and there are no words left. The impression on my heart is forgive. Just go ahead and forgive. Let it go. If Jesus can forgive me, and I've done some hideous stuff, then how in the world can I not forgive them.

This doesn't mean we have to allow ourselves to continue to be hurt, but we can forgive and with God's help we will move on. Not exactly what the world says, or even what my gut reaction is. BUT, my gut is sinful and I don't want to follow it's lead that only leads to more trouble. With all my heart, I want to be found faithful in this situation. I want our family to learn that even when the people closest to us disappoint, God will never disappoint. He just can't. He is a faithful Father, and not just a faithful Father, but OUR faithful Father.

It's kind of ironic, today I kept my 16 month old nieces. At one point, I had Chloe, Emma and the two little ones all around the piano. (I wish I had a picture of them all sprawled out underneath the baby grand. It was precious.) We were playing and singing Christmas carols. We sang an old carol that said, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." I had a quick thought of how cool it would be if this was the year of peace within our extended family. My heart aches for this. Coincidence? Nope, not with my God. I think I'm going to go grab that book and read those lyrics again.