Am I Back In Junior High?

Does anyone else ever feel like this?!!! This week has been so exhausting. Chad is still in quite a bit of pain and not resting. So that means I'm not resting. :) That's okay, I keep telling myself it could be worse. He could be in a body cast.

On top of the bike accident, I have been asked to be on our neighborhood association pool committee. I hate the word committee. It brings back horrible memories of church business meetings and people who get a little too excited about their position. Anyway.......

We have had a couple of violations around the pool, all from one family. Really the issues are just common sense issues, but because of their bad choices we now have some pretty strict rules. I was at the pool one day this week when one of the "issues" came up.(letting friends have the code and allowing them to use the pool w/out a homeowner present) I also overheard the person who called and reported the problem. Now, I do agree with the reporting of the problem and I too contacted the management company rep. to ask what needed to be done if this occurred in the future. I guess I was nice, so she asked me to be on this committee. Oh joy for me. You know how I struggle to say no. Therefore, I'm on the committee.

Today the family returned from vacation and were at the pool. The wife and another homeowner were talking very loud about their violation letter(s). I know that they don't know who reported them, but I think they know that I was at the pool the day the problem occurred. This sent all sorts of strange feelings through my mind and body. My first thought was, do they think this was me? That turned into, what do they think about me? I bet they think I'm a goody two shoes who has nothing better to do than report pool violators. Just let me tell you that it picked me up and tossed me back into 7th grade!!! I haven't felt that insecure and unsure of my place in a long time. What in the world was going on!!!

I had told Chad that I felt like God had placed me on this committee to be a peacemaker. We live in the middle of our neighborhood and the people up the street to the left, don't really know the people down the street on the right. We are in the middle and have made contact with most people. So why in the world do I feel like the shy, insecure 7th grader I once was? And why do I care what people think about me? I know exactly what happened and will be glad to tell them the concern if they ask. As I prepared dinner, "old one arm" and I discussed this. He thinks I think too much. He's probably right. After dinner, I just needed to get alone with God and talk about this, so I grabbed my Bible, my current study and headed outside.

That little patio is becoming quite the place for divine intervention. Back to the meat of this. I'm going through "Living Free" by Beth Moore. I did this several years ago in Chattanooga and since I haven't found a summer Bible study group, I decided to go through this one again. I'm in week 5 day 1 titled "Experiencing God's Peace". So the title for the week has already captured my attention. The first paragraph says the following:

"So far I hope you are growing as a person whose first instinct in any situation is to believe God, a person who thinks first of His glory rather than worrying about what people think of you, and a person who finds such satisfaction in Him that false gods have as much attraction as cleaning the garbage disposal."

I wept. (Big surprise I know) Then God reminded me that He was with me in 7th grade and that He was with me today too. I sat reading different verses on peace and thanking Him for being peace. I asked Him to shower that attribute of Himself on me because I didn't feel like any part of my life was peaceful. There just seems to be so much discouragement right now.

As I sat there just listening for Him, I was reminded of a conversation my mom and I had in junior high. I had been hurt by a couple of friends. They had written a note about me that got passed around my entire class. (All 20 of us, I went to a small private school) I remember that we were sitting on my bed and I was crying. She asked me what happened. I told her knowing that she already knew. I didn't want to tell her, that would be admitting that I'd been hurt. ( Later in life, I would learn that's called PRIDE)

She stroked my hair and said "Stephanie, I don't know why this sort of thing happens to you. I know it must feel like you are always picked on. I've talked to your teachers and they don't get it either. I believe that God must have something pretty incredible for you to do. He must be preparing you for something. He must trust you an awful lot. As hard as this is, don't stop believing Him."

Those words brought peace to me again today. I hope that they remind you that no matter what you're going through God is there. Even the hard, yucky stuff. Fix your thoughts on Him, as Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you." Don't think for a minute that God, who is peace, can't or won't comfort you in tough times. He can and He will.

May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 2 Thess. 3:16