We look pretty alert for staying up until 2:30!! From left Angela, Haley, Kate and me. Our friend Pam was here on Friday night for a little while. (dummy me forgot to take a picture!)
It was a great weekend for me. We just ate and talked and drank a ton of coffee. Heaven!! The only thing missing was: Amy, Leigh and Tiffani!!!
It was so interesting to me. We are all on the journey to be more like Christ. We love him with our whole hearts, and desire to serve Him in the areas He has placed us. I had some alone time before Chad and the girls got home, and I was amazed at the differences and similarities in each of our situations.
Each one of us can testify to the powerful grace of our Savior. We each one have been delivered from various "pits" and have a burning desire for others to experience the same power in their lives. We were all at the same church in Chattanooga and served together there in the Worship Arts and/or Women's ministry. We each have children, Kate has 5, Angela and I have 2 and Haley has 1 for right now. :) So each one of us are in the middle of Mommyhood. 2 of us homeschool, 1 will be when school starts and Haley is trying to adjust to life with a 17 month old. Bless her soul.
Each one of us have a husband who loves the Lord and each one is supportive of our dreams. Thank the Lord for this. God moved Kate and I last year. We each are in the "getting to know you" stage. Kate is in a rural area and finding friends has been hard to say the least. I'm in this huge church and finding friends is still hard. (I think I'll start praying that God will choose friends for us!) Angela and Haley are still in Chattanooga and serving the Lord in our former church.
We talked until the wee hours of Saturday morning. After a few hours of sleep we woke up to breakfast and sat around the table until around 11:30 talking some more. It was over much to quick and we hadn't really done any "activity", I think we just needed to "be". Thanks girls for being real. There were no masks here. God answered my prayer that we would have conversation that would please Him. I had also prayed that you would leave encouraged and uplifted, I pray that you were, I know I was. I love you!!
That leads me to this morning. It's Sunday morning 11:00 and I, sorry to say, skipped church this morning. I just didn't want to go. I haven't been very honest about this up to this point, but when I woke up this morning, I was very discouraged and didn't want to go. That really scares me. I love my church, love singing in the worship choir, love everything about it. But week by week, I don't want to go and this morning I gave in. So I kept Emma home with me. I don't get this, I've never been in this situation before. All morning, I've questioned why I'm feeling this way.
I think that all the "filling" in at various churches has reminded me just how much I miss playing each week. It's very hard to go and "sit" in the choir for me. I feel like I'm not doing anything. I know that I am, and please don't take this as someone who thinks she's "to good" for the choir, that isn't me at all. I just feel incomplete. The "calling" to serve is stronger than ever so why am I struggling with this? I know that God wants us to serve each week in the churches He has placed us in and I feel very strongly about faithfulness in this area. So why am I struggling with this? What is He trying to show me!!
Until He is satisfied that I get this lesson He's trying to teach, I know what I have to do. I have to GO. Get up and make myself GO. I can't stay in the house and hide anymore. In fact, as I ponder what I've just written God is impressing on my heart to ask two ladies (new friends) in the choir to hold me accountable to this. This is so hard for me. Okay God, I hear you and I will obey. (I'm typing that so I will actually do it, if I write something down I have to do it. It's part of my obbessive list making issue.)
Maybe all of this is part of God's curriculum for this time of waiting. Whatever this is, I love Him and want to honor Him through it. Today, I didn't do that and it breaks my heart.
5 comments:
I'm glad you all had a great time, but I'm SOOOOOOO sad I wasn't able to be a part. Jealous, really. Still praying about that!!! I'm gonna hold you to another one!!! I love you and I miss you bunches!!!
Hey Steph,
I know that when we came home from Chattanooga this spring I just felt so empty after being with people who know me so well. It was hard to go back to being a stranger. I am sure this is a good deal of your not wanting to go to church because the church itself sounds wonderful.
You know what to do. Just stay plugged in. Friends and familiarity will come. I'll be praying with you for friends for the both of us.
It was so good to see you! Hours to be savored and treasured. Thanks for sharing your home.
Love,
Kate
Girl-I had such a blast! There is such refreshment about being around "real" people! I miss you so but am praying for you and some "real" friends. They are out there. The wait is hard. I realize I often take for granted what I do have. Let's do this again in the fall and Amy p and the others will HAVE to be present! Love you!
Stephanie, I wish I could give you a hug! I know how you feel so much! In my own small way, I have felt the same thing with moving to Dacula and not having the same "contribution" to the music ministry that I had in Savannah. I know what it feels like to be called and love something, but not having the opportunity to be a part of it. And, I know your heart, its not because you think STEPHANIE is the WOMAN to be up there! It's because you are gifted by God to play! He gifted you, so therefore, you don't feel right when you're not able to use that gift. The thing that I would encourage you with is to "HOLD ON"! Don't give up! Stay in there! Go to church and endure this season of doing something different because it won't last! You're too gifted for God to allow to sit in the choir! I would also encourage you to pray!!! And I will pray for you. I teared up when I read your blog because I can understand how it can hurt so bad! I love you! Keep writing! Keep playing! Be ready for the day when God will call you out! You are at Hebron because God brought ya'll here. He's positioning you! I don't know why or what for! But HE will show you! Coffee Wednesday! We're on! I love you! Joane
One more thing, as if I didn't write enough before, I can say from my own experience that I have seen small blessings from being on the fringe. Don't lose heart! I love you, Joane
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