Thursday, December 11, 2008

My One Thing Almost A Year Later

Last January, Jill (Bible Teacher with Freedom's Call) asked the team to spend time with the Lord and specifically ask for one thing that He wanted us (as individuals) to work on in 2008.

For me, that one thing was holy approval. I wrote about it here. I've spent a good part of this year working this out with God. In each area of my life, He has used the simplest of circumstances to show me just where I seek man's approval over His. Just when I think I'm getting it and doing better....wham it comes up again.

For several years I have had one person continue to pop into my mind. Off and on I will think about her, wonder where she is if she has children, etc. You know, just curious about this old friend that at one time, was a big part of my life.

About a year ago, this curiosity turned into something else. I would be in the middle of life and feel the need to pray for her. So I would. Still having NO contact with her at all...in like....14 years. But God would not let me forget.

About 6 months ago I joined Facebook. I fought is as long as I could and then got sucked into it...it's addictive isn't it! Anyway. I joined because it was just another way to communicate with my Siesta's, I really had no plans to look up old high school friends.

About a month ago, I was on Facebook when this person's face and name popped into my mind. I did a friend search and nothing showed up. NOTHING.

This week, and I honestly can not tell you how, I found an old high school bud that had this person in her friend list. I KNOW! It's crazy....no it was divine because I can't tell you how I stumbled upon these two girls!

But here is the thing. I looked at her little profile picture for 10 minutes. I knew what God wanted me to do but I fought it. The what if's began to swim around in my mind and heart. All those lovely insecurities from high school began to work their way from the deep places of my heart and I heard this..."HOLY APPROVAL".

I sent the message and sat scared to death, BUT. God told me to. I have no idea what He's going to do, but I can tell you...I'm okay with whatever happens. I don't think He orchestrated the timing of all of this for me to NOT learn something.

Honestly, I can't wait to see what He does with this.

It's been almost a year since Jill asked that question. While I feel that I have grown up in this area at the same time, I feel like I have SO much more to learn. I feel like I will always have to keep this in check...it keeps me on my face and at His feet. Which is where I need to be.

7 comments:

Melinda said...

So cool! This has been a life-long struggle for me, too, friend. God's so faithful to help us work through it, isn't he?

Hugs this day,
Melinda

BethAnne said...

I dont know your relationship to this person, but I know exactly what you are talking about when you say "holy approval". What is it about high school friends that makes those of us in our 30's so nervous? Why after all these years do we care what people think of us? I dont know, but I have struggled with the problem of looking to others for approval instead of God too. You are not alone on this one!

Southern Charm said...

I think we all struggle with this. Also, I have a facebook too & yes it is addicting. I am always scared when I invite high school people to be my friend. What if they say no? You are doing great Steph, you are always an inspiration to me.

Three Fold Cord said...

I know the Lord will bless your obedience. He might show up in a way you never dreamed but know that he is definitely smiling at you because you obeyed Him.

Charlotte

Cindy said...

Stephanie, I too struggle with this. I equated my self-worth to what others thought of me. Finally, after having dealt with me over and over about this particular subject, God whispered to me that my worth is not determined by what others think or feel about me. My worth is determined because God loves me. I know this, but sometimes I still have a problem with this.

About the feather Christmas trees, I think you have to be under the age of 13 to appreciate them! Too bad I couldn't have gotten them to your daughter. I gave them to a 12year old that thought they were the most beautiful things in the world.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Oh girl, I am almost to the point of being sucked into Facebook but do not want it. Tony has one that I look at but man......Anyway, I am glad to hear about your obedience. You know that with extreme obedience comes extreme blessing! So I cannot wait to hear with God is going to do.
Thanks for always being real. Holy Approval is a big thing for most of us.
Love ya!
Ang

Carol said...

Can't wait to see how God writes the next chapter of this story!

And have a happy birthday tomorrow!!! :)