Monday, January 7, 2008

I have no idea where this is going.

I have tried so many times over the last couple of days to share here what I sense God is saying to me. It just doesn't seem to be coming out the way I hear it in my heart. I know what I need to say, and it's just not flowing.

Let me share that I'm fighting illness. You know that feeling you start getting when you know you're fixing to be really sick? I'm dealing with that. It is the absolute worst time to be feeling this way. We have family coming this weekend, I'm playing piano for a dear friend on Friday night, Saturday Chad and Chloe test for their orange get the idea. I just don't have the time to get the flu.

On top of this, my mind and heart are heavy for a situation where God's healing hand is needed. I want to speak only when God would have me to speak, to say only what He would have me to say. I'm believing HIM to restore these relationships. What a day it will be when I can share that with you!

I was reading in my "David, 90 Days With a Heart Like His" this morning about Hannah. (I'm on Day 4) The key verse was 1 Samuel 1:10,18 "Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the Lord and wept with many tears.....Then Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer appeared downcast."

I love this chapter of the Bible. I love that Hannah knew she was safe enough to let it all hang out and cry before God. I love that Eli saw her crying and praying, and then he tells her "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him." Hannah gets up and goes to grab a bite to eat and then her countenance changed. A woman after my own heart. Victory eating. I bet she had a piece of chocolate. :)

I love that Eli was there 3 years later when Hannah brought that little man to the temple. What amazes me next is her prayer. Here she stands with her only child. The child she wept and prayed for, and she says "My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance. There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no ROCK LIKE OUR GOD." (you can read the rest in 1 Sam. 2:1-11.)

Hannah took her hurt, her pain, her bitterness straight to God. God heard her and answered her prayer to be a mother. Hannah kept her promise to give that little one right back to God. God took the years of bitterness and hurt and gave Hannah a reason to rejoice.

I don't know about you, but just like Hannah I've got some areas that I need to just lay out before the Lord. Some areas and relationships that need His hand of restoration. Quite simply, I'm taking my hands off and going to allow God to be God. What I say to Him as I weep for this restoration is from Psalm 115 "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory." However He sees fit to move in this particular situation, I will give Him glory. That's all I want, for His glory to be seen in and on our family.


Fran said...

You are so precious Stephanie....
I'm praying so hard for you and your entire life and every situation and your family and your heart and your mind and your physical health.....the whole nine yards!!!

Your heart is so pure and right before the Lord and He will honor you and He is already at work in big ways and in big things that cannot be seen.

He will heal and restore. He's just so good at that.

I love ya and I'm praying~

BethAnne said...

He will do it! Because you are faithful, He will work it all out for your good and His glory.

Carol said...

Amen. I feel you girl. Praying you feel better.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Amen sister.
Lifting prayers for you and yoru family. You are right, there is just not time for you to be ill! :)

Earen said...

What a great post. Thank you for sharing about Hannah & I agree it's a wonderful testimony to God's faithfulness! Like Bethanne said, He will work out everything to His glory and when we are weak, He's strong.

Leigh Gray said...

Steph - Can i call you steph? I will be praying for you!! I know there can be full restoration. I am living proof! I have so of my own things that i need to lay down as well. He is revelaing them to me!! Please pray i am obedient!!

Love, leigh

you inspire me!

Dedra said...

Wonderfully said! I have been feeling the same way lately as I go through A Woman's Heart (revised) alone. It's been a season of rest for me... so I will pray that over you... feel better, rest when you can and absolutely lay it all out there for Him. I quote our Bethie when she says this in Session 4 " If we are going to come to a place of relief, we are going to have to come to Him with a spirit of no deceit. Come to me, Jesus says, in the name of Jesus (Beth) in honesty."

Thanks for being my Siesta in Christ!