Friday, April 4, 2008

He Is - Adequate in my Inadequacy

Adequacy. When Jill (Freedom's Call) assigned this word to me for this week, I chuckled. God had already placed this word on my heart and I shared some of that with you back in March. Obviously, He still had some things to show me in regards to this description of Himself. So I began to pray.

I asked the Lord to take me back to the point in my life when I experienced the deepest feelings of inadequacy and to remind me just how horrible that feeling was. He had me pull out some old pictures from that time in our life. It was about two years after Chad's diagnosis with Crohn's disease and we were still trying to figure this disease out.

We had decided to start trying to have a baby. We kind of took the approach of, if it happens great, if it doesn't it's okay. At the time I was in my early 20's and figured I had plenty of time to be birthin' babies. No pressure.

Then it happened. Two very young and very unmarried family members announced their pregnancies. Now let me say to you....we love these family members very much and we all know where we stand with each other. One has had a complete turn around in her life and is serving the Lord in really awesome ways. This is just part of our testimony. It's not meant to throw stones. Okay...with that out of the way...

About a month later, we found out I was pregnant, and due on .....Christmas Day. We could not have been more excited. FINALLY, it felt like God was giving us some much needed good news.

Almost as soon as it really sunk in that we were really going to have a baby, things changed and I miscarried. I was devastated, lonely and full of questions. I felt like such a failure, after all...those family members could "stay" pregnant, why couldn't I? I felt like a shell of a woman and completely inadequate.

The lowest point was one weekend several months later. An older lady (part of the family but someone who didn't know me very well)asked Chad and I when we were going to try for another baby. We were both still grieving the loss, and Chad just answered "oh, I don't know". She then went on the tell us that we wouldn't be a "real" family until we had children. I know she didn't mean it to be cruel, but I was deeply hurt.

She spoke what the enemy had been whispering in my ear for weeks. "You are a complete failure as a woman, even a teenager can carry a baby, why couldn't you...where is your God now.....You and Chad will not be a real family until you have a baby" Insert your own situation and I'm sure you've had similar emotional attacks.

The Lord took me back in time so to speak, to a time when a woman's worth was tied to her ability to have children. To be without child, might as well walk around with a a red "B" on your robe. B - for Barren.

Hannah's story became life to me. Take the time to read the entire account in I Samuel 1. She was taunted by the "other" wife who could have children. Year after year Hannah remained childless, but she knew that God could change that, and He did. He gave her that bouncing baby boy named Samuel, and she gave him right back to God. What a woman.

And then God reminded me of Sarah...remember she laughed out loud when she overheard a few holy visitors say that she would bearing a son. She had gone as far as to have her "personal assistant" give Abraham a son. I'm not sure I can even begin to comprehend how it felt to watch another woman pregnant with your husband's child. All the while wanting it to be you. Talk about inadequacy. But just like our God always does, He kept His promise and gave her a son.

Then there was Elizabeth. She was, as her husband said in Luke 1:18 "well along in years". Translation: OLD. But she had an incredible little boy that grew up to be John the Baptist.

And who can leave out Mary. If anyone had the right to feel inadequate...can you imagine! She was to not only conceive in a miraculous way, she was to raise the Son of God. God was more than adequate to handle every little detail for her, including softening Joseph's heart.

God used all these women to remind me that I wasn't the first and I would be far from the last woman to deal with feelings of inadequacy when it came to birthin' a baby. He took me in my complete inadequacy and began to fill that shell with confidence. Confidence that He was adequate to supply all my needs.(Phil. 4:19)

Emotionally, spiritually and physically he became my adequacy. He reminded me that He wanted to give me the desires of my heart, but He also taught me that the more I'm seeking Him, those desires will change. My desires were no longer to have a baby, but to be a mommy. Whether through adoption, natural childbirth or mothering my middle school care group, I would praise and thank Him for the children He brought into my life.

I don't know what your need is to today, but God does. Have you come to the place where you acknowledge that He is the only one who can fill that need? I promise you, He is more than Adequate to do it. Better than that, He would love to show you just how adequate He can be...why don't you let Him?


BethAnne said...

This is a great word and so eloquently stated (as usual). You are so right He is more than adequate - He is able and willing.

Have a great weekend, friend!

Cheri said...

What a beautiful testimony.
God if so faithful to bring us peace through the storm.
He is just so adequate and so BIG!

Darla said...

I miscarried a while back, and I remember feeling those same things...but HE is our strength when we are you princess! I think you are way beautiful!

Fran said...

Adequate, able, absolute, all-knowing....

He is so wonderful isn't He? I can honestly say that I don't believe Him to be adequate in situations. Why do we do that??

We gotta believe. We gotta trust.
Hope the rains let up for y'all this weekend. It finally stopped here. PRAISE GOD!

Big hugs~

Jenifer said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. We serve an awesome God. He is bigger than anything we will ever come against.

Many blessings, friend.

I'm adding you to my daily reads. You bless me so much!

Amy Wyatt said...

I was out of town this weekend and just returned. I read this post from my iphone but couldn't comment when I first read it. I wanted to tell you that this might be my favorite post you've ever written!

Leah said...

Wow!! What an awesome post. Such a great reminder that He truly is all we need. I pray that if there ever comes a day when all I have, literally, is Jesus, then He will be more than enough!!

Have a blessed Lord's Day!!


P.S. Love the new look!!

jodi said...

"He is adequate in my inadequacy" just don't know how much I needed that reminder today! Thanks!!!