Wednesday, August 1, 2007

School, Vacation, Christmas Shopping, Wardrobe

These are all things that were going through my mind between 11:00 pm and 2:30 am last night/this morning.

We homeschool our girls and while we have done a little school each day, we add the full load on August 13. So I'm running through my mind what I need to buy to finish off the curriculum. That leads to how do I tell Chad I need so much $$$$$, he doesn't need that stress right now! So, I prayed about that. God provide the money we need to buy school supplies. He will I'm not worried.

This time next month we will be on a mini-vacation with my Sister-in-Love, her husband and their 2 sets of twins. (yes you read that right) We are all going to Florida to visit my in-laws. We're praying that the pool is in and ready for 6 grand kids to break it in! This will be the first time that we all have been at the in-laws new home and I'm really looking forward to it. The beach is calling my name! Chad needs the distraction and break from the office. Building a business is hard the first year. God is blessing his work ethic, this get-away will be a nice distraction!

Christmas is coming. Fast! We've decided to do a little shopping each month so it doesn't overwhelm us in December. So, I made my mental list and prayed about what we should give each person. Yes, I pray about this stuff. The whole season is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We love to give gifts in honor of Jesus, so I pray that God will show me what to give each person. It has to be something that is from the heart and that will encourage. BTW- Check Diann's store. I found her last night as I was going through the blogroll. Her blog is over in my Good Stuff links. She has the cutest note cards, t-shirts...... all really Girly Girl stuff! I fell in love with them. Then I clicked over to the retailers list and guess what! Her line is sold at the coffee/gift shop around the corner from my house! How cool is that. (As soon as they re-open, they moved the shop, I'll be there picking up the cards with the coffee cups!)

Wardrobe. I've got several events coming up that I need to dress for. (These events demand that I wear more than my around the house jeans or sweat, I mean yoga pants and white or black t-shirt.) So the first is this Sunday. I'm playing a piano special in the morning worship services. (First of all I have been blessed with some great clothes and I have plenty to wear. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to wear and this is the thought process that I went through.) Okay.

For Sunday, my first thought was navy pantsuit. Love this suite, very tailored, but then the shoe issue comes up. I still haven't bought a pair of navy heels to wear with this suite. I have a pair of shoes that I normally wear with this suite, but they aren't my favorite with this suite. See my dilemma? If I'm in the choir loft no-one sees my shoes and I'm fine, but there is no hiding them when I play. So it looks like the navy suite is out of the running. My next choice was white linen pants green tunic top. Really cute pointy shoes I got at Steinmart for $7.99 last year. I love this outfit, but not sure how it would look from the side. This is very important girls!! People look at you from the side when you play. I don't want to look frumpy! I'm being vain I know, but I've got to feel good about how I look or my stage fright issues become bigger than they already are and I find myself in the bathroom, on my knees getting rid of anything I've eaten in the last 3 days. It's not fun. To top off the people looking at me from the side thing, our church now does live on-line streaming of our worship services. AS IF 8,000 people are intimidating enough, now we throw in the entire free world! No pressure.

As I think about all this, I ask God why. WHY is this an issue for me? Haven't I out-grown these issues. This is so petty. Then I got tickled and started to laugh out-loud.

I tell people all the time, when you are leading worship, or speaking, or singing in the choir, you are representing God. You are showing Jesus to them. Through your face, your body language.... We should be clothed in a garment of praise. My heart's desire more than anything in this world is to point people to Jesus. Whether I'm singing, playing, buying groceries, or having a cup of coffee with a girlfriend. I want to ooze Jesus! This has been my prayer for a long time. So why in the world am I wide awake at 2:00 in the morning, worrying about what I'm going to look like in a particular outfit! THIS IS CRAZY! I don't normally think like this! Where is this coming from?

I think this was His way of reminding me that I will never stop learning. I will never reach some point of spiritual elitism. And for the record, I don't want to! That would mean that I have put myself on the same level as God. That just isn't possible! If you know me personally, you will agree !!!! :)

The first song I wrote was for a Women's Tea. The theme was Refiner's Fire. The name of the song I wrote was "More Like You" One line in the song is "Whatever it takes, make me more like You." Those lyrics came to mind as I asked the Father to forgive me for being self-centered. I want to bring glory to HIM on Sunday morning. When I sit down to play, I want people to feel His presence as HE plays through me. What am I playing? This is the best part. God impressed upon my heart to put together an arrangement of "I'd Rather Have Jesus" and "Better is One Day".

The line I love from "Better is One Day" comes from the second verse:

"One thing I ask and I would seek, to see Your beauty, to find You in the place Your glory dwells".

I love that and then there's the bridge:

"My heart and flesh cry out for You, the Living God.
Your Spirit's water for my soul.
I've tasted and I've seen; come once again to me.
I will draw near to You, I will draw near to You."

Isn't God cool. When I sit on that bench Sunday, I'll be playing from a heart that is desperate for more of HIM. I want HIM more than anything. He's so much more than we can fathom isn't He? I thank Him that He loves me through these moments. I love how He uses them to show me more of His character. He is so good.

8 comments:

Darla said...

Princess,
Better is one day is the ringtone on my cell :), and I agree it is important to feel comfortable in what you are wearing when in front of people, not that I have ever been in front of that many people. But you do want to do your best..maybe you should shop for some shoes for that navy outfit you mentioned..sounded like you would be very happy in it! I am sure you are going to be fantabulous!! And God will be smiling on you! We do what we do for HIM, and it doesn't matter how many people watch, or if they even get it...what a relief, huh? Go play something awesome for your King! Praying for you to have minimal nerve issues...a litte maybe good ...

Meg said...

Yes. He is good. I'd also rather have Jesus and love the idea of both those songs together. Live streaming online...wow! Pretty cool. I'll be praying for you and I love your desire to ooze Him out of yourself. I relate to that desire and appreciate your humility in sharing this late night exchange with the Lord. Can you record your arrangement and put it on your blog? I would love to hear you play. Praying for you. Meg

Diann said...

How exciting! You will do awesome on Sunday morning and bring glory to His name as you play! God tells us to pray about all things (and what you're wearing is not too small a thing--He cares about what we care about, big and small). So, I will pray that God will show you exactly what to wear so that your focus can be on Him because you already feel completely put together!

BTW, so glad to have "met" you yesterday. I can SO tell I'm going to enjoy spending time on your blog!

Darla said...

I just love you! :) I have the feeling we will both be "boing" back in the short springy leash...Princess to princess

Kathy at Sumballo said...

Stephanie, what an honest post! I know you're becoming more like him and isn't that exciting. Playing in front of the entire free world may be a little intimidating but you'll really be playing in front of the King's throne, and isn't that cool?

The Small Scribbler said...

Hey Steph,

I was driving the kids to art, thinking about you and your shoes and what you'll decide to wear...how clothes can help us feel more confident and my mind just got stuck on that word. Confidence. How often I rely on props for confidence. When I got home I found this...

The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17

I think this verse blends beautifully with the transparent heart that you reveal in this post.

I wish I could be there Sunday.

Kate

Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...

Kate,

Thank you for that verse! I'm writing it across the top of my music.

I can't play a note without HIM.

I sure wish you could be there too!

Refresh My Soul Blog said...

I just love you! I will be praying for you. And from someone who does KNOW you-You do constantly ooze Jesus. On top of that I would have to say you are the most humble person I know.
Much love,
Angela